Monthly Archives: January 2017

The Personifying Doors

Hey there! I am using a door closer! That’s what the door nowadays are ATTACHED to. Doors are extensively using door closer, which is making them silent day by day as they are not participating in the noises of every house. Now, they silently watch things happen.

Although door closers have made them externally strong as they are hard to push and pull. They used to get smashed easily, then screaming in pain after it. Now no matter how much force you apply to push them or pull them, they will always have a silent reply to it, as if the door closer was the enlightenment they got which turned them into lord buddha. They even impersonate Mahatma Gandhi, as they only have one answer to the violence, which is non-violence. Peace is their motto now. Silence is their new religion.

But you just can’t leave out the doors who are so beautifully readied during the marriages. They are prepared in such a manner as if they are also going to get married with a bride door. In fact, in marriages, the doors who are noiseless must be called bridegrooms too. The door in the man’s room must be waiting to say, ‘make groom for the bride'(used pun intended). But here’s a catch. Not all doors are treated equally. You still leave the bathroom doors as ugly as possible. In many marriages, only the entrance door’s'(in the case of 2 entrances or maybe 3 or I don’t know, depends on how rich you are) are taken care of. Bathroom doors are still waiting for their decorative days. Racism even prevails between doors. No one realizes this fact that bathroom doors are the most important people in the case of emergency. But as one said, ‘the importance of someone is only realized when it’s gone’. If there were no bathroom doors, you would feel as helpless as an engineering student sitting at the first bench in an exam.

Like, in general, there are more males than females in this country, similarly, there are more doors than windows in the home. But, most doors and windows are very different from each other. Their personalities are poles apart. They can never be compatible with each other. One doesn’t let you involve in his life unless you open up with him, and the other is an outgoing person and everyone knows what’s inside her. There’s a famous phrase, ‘you make a better door than you do a window’, which tells us how this society is judgmental about doors and windows like above. Everyone just immediately jumps on conclusion listening only to one side of the story. But nobody understands this fact that if you try to know more about doors, you can peep through them and see what’s inside them. Although, you won’t be able to know everything about them. But as we say, something is better than nothing.

Also, personally, I hate windows in the way that they let people in too easily. One should be strong like doors, they don’t let everyone be included in their lives just like that. As we know, doors being somehow introvert, the key to their hearts is only provided to few people only. Generally, they lock themselves up, and they only allow the entry to those who know them well. But they should just be aware of the fake people who try to enter into your lives through their fake keys.

“Nothing is permanent in this universe. Even the galaxies rotate around their centers. If some things get stuck in your mind, just rather try to focus on things which make you forget negative thoughts and instill all the positivity in you. When you lose one opportunity, you often find a new one”, one window said to the other depressed one. “So don’t worry, when one door has SHUT down on you, some another will have OPEN arms for you: )” final words by the window, as both, let in air through them.

Humor The Feast

Imagine that you grew up in that sort of trusting farm village where you could just leave anything around without anyone nicking them and in return you were feasted with an old Friesian cow come every festive season.
That’s how Jacaranda farm’s Fasto rewarded his employees and their spouses and who,in their naivety, vehemently looked forward to this time,the only time of the year that feasting had been about as merry as it ever managed to be.
It was Isidoro,the farm manager’s duty to kill the cow with an air gun while Kimuri,who inseminated and attended to every sick cow as the farm’s “veterinarian”,was charged with the duty of overseeing the skinning and chopping up the meat so that every family got a chunk each the size of roughly two kilogrammes of meat.
The choicest cuts like the liver,the heart,tongue and kidneys were his besides his other share which was way twice bigger than what other people carried home.
As usual all the children would turn up to celebrate this rare happening,each with an aluminium bowl.Meanwhile,Kimuri would have a colleague fry for them blood,tripe and lungs in a half drum while ugali was prepared in yet another.
Still on another fire some meat for Kimuri and another two who helped him skin the cow sizzled on green wattle twigs.After about two hours of cooking the children would be asked to queue and after being served they would sit on the grass.
The very fast eaters would devour the cooked blood greedily,sop up the left over soup from their bowls with hunks of ugali and then lick their fingers.
Others would chew on the tripe and lungs balefully and gulp the pieces down,some with their eyes bulging out as they did so.The slowest,though,demolished their food with grim determination, crumbs of ugali clinging to their lips.
Almost at the same time Kimuri would make a prolonged deep belch,mop ineptly at his greasy mouth and by using a thin twig he would leisurely pick his teeth.
Meat was that rare at Jacaranda. Fatso’s instructions were that any cow that died of sickness had to be buried or burned. But Kimuri knew better and such carcasses would end up in the villagers’ stomachs. If his cat which he so named “doctor” tested the meat by eating a small piece the meat was deemed fit for human consumption.
I recall two incidences vividly. In one a naughty boy had bashed the cat with a big stone on its head moments after it had “tested” the meat and which had by then been shared amongst the villagers.The cat retched up the meat, convulsed and foamed at the mouth. After jerking and kicking its legs in the air it died,its poor legs stretched out stiff in the attitude of running from death.
The news of its death sent panic and anxiety through the village,the villagers themselves waiting for the worst just before someone explained the cause of the cat’s death.
In the second incident, there was something horribly wrong with the meat.Everyone was sick.Their stomachs were woozy and felt like they were fermenting. They lurched and churned, making weird noises.
People’s backsides cloaked like frogs and in the evening everybody started flouncing off to the only toilet in the village,lining up behind one another and scratching their stomachs with languorous, long fingered movements.
Some doubled over to vomit until there was nothing left to bring up the yellow bile-like stuff.Those that were lucky enough to reach the toilet and who swaddled themselves around their waists with old bath towels didn’t poo straight in the hole.Rather, they kind of sprayed.
ENDS.

This Story Will Make You Blush

Recently, I was looking for books on actress and singer Eartha Kitt at my local library and discovered myself. You know, my birthday is soon and youthfulness really is in the head and in the spirit, not in great looks of the body. Age is just a number, and what others think of you cannot matter because before a certain age if they live that long, they do not even know what they are thinking themselves. Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix and Otis Redding all died at twenty-seven years old. Some could say stuff like “that is life” and “wow, they were fortunate before thirty to have all that success and die good-looking”, and that type of tripe.

Consider this, though, I actually agree more with Walter Russell, Charles Haanel and Napoleon Hill: If you do it right, all the good things start to happen after forty and into “old age”. The best lives happen this way, you are a loser into your thirties and then one day success happens upon you almost like an executive in their fifties or sixties or Susan Boyle, and you cannot stop the momentum. On the other hand, you could be Donald Trump who did his best deals and stuff young, and has nowhere to go but sideways in the presidency. My point to this “humorous stuff” and this is my serious point: It is all perspective.

Look, if it was not perspective and all outer conditions determining everything: The Indian Hindu and European Medieval Feudal caste systems would not have given way in a sense to the American system and ideas of achieving your dream yourself that we now have here in America and is “infecting the world” in a positive way with the idea that one can get above ground when it comes to growth wherever they are.

So, in reality, okay, I admit it: Losers and winners are made by themselves through their efforts or lack of efforts in the right and wrong places. I know that is a blanket statement. Think deeply about it though. Some people “with it all” squander the opportunity, many with “nothing at all” use their disadvantages as advantages and create greatness for themselves and others, “with it all” live up to “it all”, while many others with “nothing at all”, resign themselves to “nothing at all”. Either way, it is all perspective.

Humor A God’s Tenth Avatar

Lord Krishna, assured that in every Mega Age (Yug) He would take the avatar Incarnation) on Earth to annihilate the evil, punish the guilty, to protect the righteous and establish Dharma. In other words, in every age, He would set right the disorder and establish order. This age is known as ‘Kalyug’ (dark age). In 21st Century, the disorder is at its peak. It is high time the Lord take Kalki avatar as assured by Him and restore order. (‘Kalki’ avatar is the tenth and the last avatar when God would visit on a horse with a sword on hand). Accordingly God comes to the Earth for doing His duty. But what is the result? This story depicts in a humorous way the problems God Himself will face should he come to Earth. This story is fully a political satire and not to hurt the religious sentiments of people belonging to any religion whatsoever.

The Story:

The greatest scandal of the twentieth century! A sum of whopping billions of rupees was swindled in a poor country on Earth. Hence, one may guess the toil of millions of poor labourers and tax payers behind that wealth. The loot extended from mining beneath the Earth, to scandals in purchase of aircraft and weapons used on the surface of Earth. There are several stories depicting life in Three Worlds, one on the surface, one beneath the Earth and the other on the sky. It seems our corrupt people realised all the three worlds by extending their corrupt practices in all the three.

The author of this mega scandal was Ramsingh, one of the most powerful politician of the country. Though he was never in election game nor held any post, each elected Government would have his influence on it because the candidates depended on the billions he spent for their winning the elections. The same may be told about industries, trade and commerce and of course film production. Only the actors and actresses who have his recognition could be the successful performers in filmdom.

Normally, before retiring to bed he used to offer prayers to the Almighty. That day also, he was offering his prayers. “Oh God! I have to thank you for enabling me to earn this much wealth. Nobody on Earth can surpass my wealth’.
He could have stopped with this observation. But his next statement was very much provocative. “Oh God! Now I am richer than you. Even you cannot surpass me”.

That moment God decided to interfere. “Why can’t I?” He asked.

Ramsingh was taken aback. He took the revolver kept under the pillow and asked “Who is speaking? Come to the front, otherwise I will shoot you”.

“No, No don’t shoot me” God pretended as if he was afraid.

“Then come before me. I want to see you”

Next moment God, whom he was praying daily, appeared before him.

“Pooh! Are you God? Our film heroes are better looking than you” Ramsingh remarked.

“Is it, Are your film heroes more handsome than me?” God asked.

“Yes, yesterday I saw a film in which Lord Krishna was so handsome that people worshipped him in the hall itself. They won’t recognise you as God.”

For a moment, God had some calculations mentally, then he told, “But he is mortal and will die at any time, whereas I am immortal.”

“So what? Let him live for only thirty years. He has enjoyed everything on Earth. Do you know that he has dozen wives, all so beautiful? Your Heavenly ladies are no comparison to those ladies,” Ramsingh replied.

“Okay, if you think that having beautiful girls is the Bliss, I won’t argue.”

“It is alright, tell me the purpose of your visit”

“I have come here to annihilate you,” God said seriously.

“What? Are you kidding me?” Ramsingh took it as a joke and laughed.

“Yes, so far I took nine avatars and established order. This is my tenth and last. This time, I wish to annihilate one by one and I have chosen you as the first to be eliminated”.

“Why me? There are so many giants worse than me.” He quipped.

“Financially speaking, there are several giants worse than you. But you have committed other offense like murders, rape in abundance. The worst of them was you poisoned your friend to usurp power and after his death you placed your own henchmen in various posts and you have you have deceived billions of people. Be ready to die”. The avatar raised hands to get his weapon (the revolving wheel on his hand.)

For a moment Ramsingh was taken aback. But he was able to recover within seconds and asked, “Oh God, please be patient. Please allow me to ask some questions”

“Okay, you proceed”

“My most respectful God Narayana, had you wanted to punish me you could have done it without showing your presence. But you are giving your Darshan to me which is available only for one in a billion. That shows that I have done some good deeds also. Isn’t it?”

“It is not because of the good deeds done by you, but by your forefathers including your parents. They were feeding thousands of poor, they opened several schools for free learning and constructed several free mansions. They dug hundreds of wells for obtaining pure water. The proceeds of their good deeds ended today. From now onwards only effects of your sins will reach your descendants”

“Oh, God! Every day I used to pray you without fail. One more thing, I used to give a share to you at twenty percent of what all I earned in black”

God was astonished. “What?”

“Yes, I am not bluffing. You yourself verify my accounts. If I get rupees ten, I will give you rupees two. Likewise, if I get one hundred million, I shall deposit scrupulously twenty millions into your temple hundi”(collection box)

“Is it..?”

“Don’t you know that the sanctum in the new temple constructed for you was financed totally by me. I spent nearly a billion rupee for that temple out of the profit I earned through the above transaction which people prefer to call as mega scandal.

God was speechless for a moment.

Ramsingh realised that he was going in the right direction. By this time, he had gathered enough courage to bargain.

“Okay God, let us talk business. Don’t kill me. Allow me to give you a share of half of what all I earn. That is fifty-fifty. I will sincerely put 50% of what all I earn into your temple collection box. Are you happy?”

Before his completing the statement God vanished.

“Oh God, Maha Vishnu, Narayana” he shouted.
.
“Oh dear, why are you shouting?” his wife who rushed to his bed room shook him to raise from the sleep.

‘Dear, do you know that I was talking with God?”

“Oh it is good, what were you talking with him?” she asked sarcastically.

“Ha, Ha, he wanted to kill me” he was laughing.

“Then what did you do?”

“I offered him fifty percent of my earning, He ran away fearing that he also would become corrupt”

He was having a hearty laugh over the dream he had.

Suddenly there was a great noise.

“Oh what is that?”

The Earth started shaking and the ground below him was divided into two.
Ramsingh, his family, all wealth fell into thousands of fathoms deep.
Next day a telecast from far away country stated:

“Due to a massive earth quake in the poor country, an entire city was plunged into the deep Earth. Thousands of men, women and children were buried. Buildings including huge structures like Temples were buried. Please wait for the complete report”

God has his own way for punishing the sinners.